Barrister Akpors who's gone to the village for Xmas celebration went hunting in a nearby village.

He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As Barrister Akpors climbed over the fence, an elderly gentleman asked him what he was doing.

He responded,

"I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going in to retrieve it."

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The old farmer replied,

"This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

Arrogant Akpors said,

"I am one of the best trial attorneys in this country, and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!"

The old farmer smiled and said,

"Apparently, you don't know how we do things here. We settle small disagreements like this with the Three-Kick Rule."

Barrister Akpors asked,

"What is the three-Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied,

"Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

Barrister Akpors quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old farmer.

He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly walked up to him.

His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into Akpor's groin and dropped him to his knees.

His second kick nearly wiped Akpors' nose off his face.

Barrister Akpors was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

He eventually summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said,

"Okay, you old farmer, now it's my turn."

The farmer smiled and said,

"Now, I give up. You can have the duck."

NOTE: No matter how well educated you are, RESPECT YOUR ELDERS!
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c yansh o! lmao

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Naija PoliTRICKcians

Poems written by Akpos and his Wife to each other

WIFE: I wrote your name on sand
it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my
heart & I got Heart Attack.

AKPOS: God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, He created Pepsi.
... He saw me in darkness, He created light.
He saw me without problems, He created YOU.

WIFE:.. Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are ..
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.

AKPOS: The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you..?

WIFE: ...Roses are red; Violets are blue.
Monkeys like u should be kept in ZOO.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too...
Not in cage but laughing at YOU

WHO KILLED IT? The wife or the husband?

AKPOR'S AND THE DOCTOR

Doctor: I regret to tell you that you
have a brain tumor.
Mr. AKPORS: (jumps in joy) YES!!!!
Doctor: Did you get what
I just told you? Mr.
Akpors: Yes of course, do you
think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so
happy instead of being sad?
Mr. Akpors: It's a thing of joy to me cos everyone says i have nobrain but atleast now this proves that
I have a brain....
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The Wise Priest

A distinguished young woman on a flight from London asked the priest seating besides her
woman:father may i ask for a favour?
Priest::of course what may i do for you?
Woman: well, i bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother that is unopened and well over the customs limits and i am afraid they will confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through customs for me?............ Under your robes, perhaps?
Priest: i would love to help you dear but i must warn you, i will not lie.
Woman:with your honest face, father, no one will question you.
When they got to the customs official, she let the priest go ahead of her.
Customs officer: father, do you have anything to declare?
Priest:from the top of my heart down to my waist, i have nothing to declare.
Well the customs officer thought this answer to be strange.
Customs officer:and what do you have to declare from you waist down to the floor.
Priest:i have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date unused.
Customes officer:(roaring with laughter he said) go ahead father next.
And that too is wisdom.
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Akpos lost in a forrest

Akpos, and two of his friends (Obi and Orji) are lost in a forrest.

For weeks, the lived there, and one day they find a magic lamp.

They rub it, and sure enough, out comes a genie.

The genie says "since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one"

So Obi (Akpos' 1st friend) goes first, "I have been stuck here for too long, I miss my family and my wife and my life - I just want t...o go home." POOF, he is gone.

Then Orji makes his wish, "I think say na here I go die. I don taya for dis place oo!, Oga abeg, me too I won commot." and POOF, he is gone.

Then Akpos starts crying uncontrollably. "Eya. ei, chai oooooo eeeee ahhhh!!"

The genie asks, "What is the matter?"
Akpos replies, "I wish my friends were here."

 One night Akpos and his friends, Mr Ibu and Osuofia, escaped from prison

They kept on running and running and were getting very tired. Mr Ibu was behind and complaining that he couldn't run again, but eventually they saw a farm and climbed over the fence. They decided to hide in a store room (barn). When they got inside the store, they found three large seed/rice sacks and de...cided to climb into them for camouflage.

About an hour later the the polce inspector and his deputy came into the farm and saw the store. The inspector told his deputy to go up and check out the store to see if Akpos and his colleagues were there. Several police men surrounded the store room and the deputy kicked open the door. When he got in there the inspector asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just three big sacks, Sir."

The inspector told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy said "Okay Sir" and kicked the first sack, where Osuofia was hiding and he shouted , "woof woof, grrrr", so the deputy shouted "Oga na dog!".

Then he kicked the sack with Mr Ibu in it. He went, "Meow", so the deputy told the inspector "Oga na Pussu wey dey am. Na cat, Sir".

Then he kicked the one with the Akpos in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally Akpos shouted, "Yam Yam Yam!

HUNGRY AKPOS

 HUNGRY AKPOS was going along the street.

He got to a place and saw a sign board with the inscription "Eat as much as you can here, your grandson will pay".

... HE went in and confirmed from the receptionist who confirmed the statement. The hungry man now ordered for series of food with assorted meat, fish, turkey and others. He ate and ordered for drinks in excess.

He drank excessively. As he was preparing to go, the steward called him and gave him a bill of 2,000 Naira.
AKPOS was annoyed and asked "what the hell is going on here? What is this?" (So so big big grammar)

The steward answered "it is the bill of your fore-father which you must pay so that your grandson would pay for the one you ate."

(Awuuuf de tear belle!)http://www.tlkdrum.com/